This is not going well, I can't sleep, I can't breath, I'm in actual physical pain. Millions of thoughts at once, yes and no, die and live, go and stay but mostly "why?".
Now as I lay my fingers on the keyboard, the strength to even type something just isn't there, the empty stare into this blank screen shows I know nothing, I mean nothing, just another spec of dust waiting for the wind to finally take me away and be done with it all.

This can't be right, I shouldn't be here. I don't deserve to be here, I don't want to be here anymore. So many people with so much better futures, much better people than me, left my company. The world would be so much better off without me. I'm empty, sad, depressed, lonely, I'm nothing. Please take my place. I give up...

Here we go again...

And so, with just a glimpse, the void returns. What was already a pretty battered and beaten shell of a heart, again, let itself be fooled by that fucking stupid disease called love, and now obviously here I am alone, not loved, not wanted, not needed just continuing to exist for no other purpose than to suffer. 

This pain, I've managed to avoid for quite some time now, as found its way back in. I've fought night and day to avoid feelings rushing in and make me believe in something that will never happen.

The chaos in my head just keeps getting worse, why doesn't anything make sense. The simplest thing evolves into something so complicated that it loses its meaning. Why do we always love what we can’t get, that we know we’ll never have, that we know it doesn't love us?

But then again, why would it ever happen, why would someone care, like, love me. I don’t!

I don’t want to give up but sometimes it’s really hard, some days nearly impossible, and today is one of those days. 

There is no hope, no love, no happiness, in the end only death...